Wounded For Life

Regrets and hatred disturbing the energies

Look at your life, the life you lived so far. Looking back on it, is there anything you would want to change? And what if you could? As if you had a magic wand. Well ... here it is.

He was an old man now and when he looked back on his life, he felt regret. Regret for all the things he had missed. Yes, life had been hard on him, so he thought.

He was an old man now and when he looked back on his life, he felt regret. Regret for all the things he had missed. Yes, life had been hard on him, so he thought.

As he looked back, he tried to recall all the things that had gone wrong. He recalled being hit by his schoolteacher when he was still a young boy; hit for something that he hadn't done. Then he thought about his father who had insulted him in front of all of his best friends. Only 13, he had been back then, yet he could recall it as if it happened yesterday. The pain and frustration still went straight to his heart. Why were people so hard on each other, he wondered. All of his life, he remembered how people had done things to him, things that had literally paralyzed him, left him feeling completely depleted and suffering. The man felt all of the old pain still raging within him and there was nothing he could do about it. After all he hadn't caused it. These other people had! And most of them by now had died ... so he couldn't even tell them anymore ... or set things straight.

He thought about the things he himself had done to others. He remembered how his son had left the house when he was only just 17. There had been a big fight ... over something that seemed pretty unimportant now ... yet at the time, he had told his son to go to hell ... and as such, his son had left the house, slamming the door, never to come back. For this, he was angry with his son ... but even more, he was angry with himself.

He remembered the time when he had ridiculed this girl. Back then, he had only just turned 17 himself. Little did he realize the impact his words might have. A few weeks later he heard that the girl had killed herself. Was it because of the things he had said? People had tried to convince him that it wasn't ... but he knew better. All of his life he had known. The mere thought of the girl and what he had done, emptied him of all his energy each and every time the thought entered his mind.

So now here he was, an old man, on the brink of leaving this world and his physical body behind. A man looking back one last time at the things he had done in his life ... a man full of regret, regret for the things he hadn't done ... and remorse, for the things he had done. A man full of anger too ... anger for the things others had done to him.

If only I could do it over, he thought. A tear welled up in his eyes. How long had it been since he had last cried? It was too late. It was over ... nothing he could do about it now.

Exhausted he fell asleep. He was pleased to slumber away. It wasn't a very deep sleep but it allowed him to escape for just a moment from this harsh reality called life. His sleep however, didn't bring him any rest as it was filled with strange yet vivid dreams.


He had only just dozed off when he saw his son ... the son he hadn't seen in so long. He was doing all right. He was sitting in the garden, clearly enjoying life. A couple of children were playing around. Those were his children, that much was clear. The old man looked at the children and as he saw them playing, he felt a rejuvenating energy flowing through his old veins. It was as if the youth, the innocence, the pure confidence in life that these children had, suddenly ran through his own veins again. He looked back at his son ... and only then saw a woman sitting beside him. The old man could feel the love of this woman for the man sitting beside her. A man she loved so dearly. The old man could literally feel this love as it resonated in every single of his cells. He looked at his son again but now he felt happy. Happy for what he had accomplished in life, happy in a way he couldn't describe, happy for ... his son being happy. The old man's heart filled with joy and as it did, he felt a wave of energy rushing through him.

He woke with a shock, looking around the old room he was in. His mind was still with his son ... but this time he no longer felt anger or remorse. Now, whilst looking at his son, his hart was filled with an ecstatic feeling of happiness.

With this new feeling still in his heart, the man dozed off again. He had only just closed his eyes when another dream filled his whole being. This time, he saw his father standing there, just as he had, more than 60 years ago ... and just as back then, his father insulted him ... right in front of his very same old friends. Except that this time, the dreamer didn't feel his own pain ... but rather, he felt the pain of the father. A father, confused by his own life and the things that had happened to him; the trouble he had with his business, The feelings of not controlling his life, the frustration of not being in charge. Then suddenly, he saw his son doing something minor. Not something bad really. Still, it was the famous drop. The man bursts out, bursts out in front of all of his son's little friends.

In his dream, the old man could feel it all, all of the pain his father felt, not only the old pain but the new pain as well; the pain provoked by a father hurting his son. He saw his father bleeding inside but before he could do or say anything, he once again woke up with a shock.

Gone was the anger he had felt for over 50 years. Replaced it was by a feeling of compassion. A deep all embracing love for his father. The pain had gone, the energy could flow again.

The old man looked around at the room he was in. "My God!" he said. He tried to put some order in his mind but felt as if he had taken a sleeping pill and whatever he tried to do, he soon felt himself dozing off a third time.

Yes, here he was at 17 and so was the girl. She loved him but little did he know. To him the most important thing was to show off before his friends, show them how strong and above all that loving nonsense he was. He fooled around with the girl, hurt her, made fun of her, up to the point where indeed ... it was too late. The one event that had literally changed his whole life. The one thing he had done, impossible to be reversed.

For his whole life, every single time the event had popped up in his mind, it had drained him from all of his energy. There she was again ... or rather, there he was now, where she had gone so long ago. He hardly dared to look at her. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was. Sorry for the things he had done, sorry for the words he had spoken. But the girl just smiled at him and said, "There is nobody here who will judge you, dear John".

The mere fact of hearing the girl pronounce his name, felt like tons of pain and guilt falling from his shoulders. The girl just went on speaking, "So often we do things, dear John, things we think we shouldn't have done ... but the worst thing of them all ... is not that we have done them ... but rather that we haven't forgiven ourselves for it. Look at your life, my dearest friend, and look at how these feelings have destroyed you. Wake up and return to your life now ... and realize that there is no one here to judge you. Stop tormenting yourself and just look at the world with love in your heart ... not with regret for the things you have done, or anger for what others have done to you."

The man woke up feeling 20 years younger. Three events had possessed his life ... yet it only took three dreams to dissolve all of the old pain into thin air. The girl had healed him by sending him love ... unconditional love. The pain caused by his father had been replaced by compassion. One thing remained to be done.

The man opened an old drawer. Somewhere he remembered he still had a phone number, his son's phone number. How many years of my life have I lost like this ... how many years have I lost energy to the past ... how many years have I forgotten to live? He took the phone. He had to tell his son. He had to let him know ...

As so often Shaoni felt Aneola's story stopped before it had come to an ending.

"But how do you know that his son will not ... "

The wizard didn't even allow Shaoni to finish his question.
"What the son will or will not do, is not important here, my boy. The essence is solely within the old man's mind. It is the way in which he looks at life that will change it around! Nothing else matters. If his son is not yet ready to understand, that will be his son's choice, his son's responsibility, his son's burden too."

Imagine how many people throw their energy away into past events and thus drain themselves from the energy they need to live in the present. They feel as if they are sinking ever deeper into the swamp of life, lacking the energy to do anything about it, yet it has been their own choice all along ... and they can stop it whenever they want.

Later that evening

Later that evening, when all had gone quiet and a blanket of peace had unfolded over the world, the wizard came up to the boy and said ...

"Whenever you feel guilt, remorse or anger, whenever it blocks your energy and prevents you from enjoying life ... go to your center and look at your pain. If the pain has been caused by a person,

imagine that person, standing on a stage in front of a crowd. See him, being applauded by that crowd, being cheered at by the crowd. See how happy that person is. See how he radiates with happiness. Feel the joy he feels inside Then, feel how happy you are ... happy for the person standing there, in front of you.

As soon as you feel this joy within yourself ... radiate it out, back to the person standing on the stage. It will heal your pain, even if the healing comes from your side only.

"Hmm, hard to believe." Shaoni said, thinking back at some of the people he knew and what they had done to him."

"Hmmmm, ever tried it?" Aneola replied.